As soon as corners get a bit sharp, you need to use the triggers to lean into them a bit - apparently you're shooting out bursts of air to help turn you around - but you can also use the triggers simultaneously to do a tornado attack on those close to you. And to now draw upon that parenthetical (hopefully without anybody taking too much offence), your position really will be that random to start with. Once you're on your way, the board handles as though on a bed of air - appropriately enough - and a re-employed elevator announcer lady smoothly informs you that you've landed badly, or screwed up a corner, or that you're in fifth (actually I've not figured out what she's saying it sounds like "fifth" but since you're in first or seventh or whatever I'm not so sure). Sonic's feet get bigger and bigger with every game. It democratises the traditional starting grid boost, which certainly deserves a paragraph's worth of credit. Go too soon and you get electrocuted and consequently held up go a bit late, or slow down to avoid being electrocuted, and you may find the other races zoom past you. Initially though it's quite promising - instead of timing button presses like Mario Kart (or, well, most racing games), you try and time a run-up to the starting line so that you cross it at your top running speed just as the race begins. So there's quite a lot and it's a bit messy.
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In other words, a range of Sonic the Hedgehog characters (including some birdy types called the Babylon Rogues - yes, their back-story is the sort of thing that makes you wish you were five again so that you could beat yourself around the head with a spiky piece of wood for 18 hours for being so stupidly tolerant of things like this) zoom along on gravity-defying snowboards, building up speed by riding each other's wakes, boosting and hitting boost pads. Sonic Riders is a hoverboard racing game.
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(In fact that's probably why the actors keep coming back for more work.) Anyway, since the game doesn't bother to tell you, I might as well give you an idea of how to play it.
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(Incidentally, neither game or manual explains why Tails is still alive.)Īnd of course, apart from a brilliant bit where a hawk-lady makes Tails the-stupid-fox-who-I-hate angry, the cut-scenes are full of unnatural, second-language dialogue acted out by the usual crowd of unquestioning voice actors, who by now must be used to delivering sentences like, "These players, they're hot, the best racers I could find!" with an array of inflections previously uncharted by humankind. Instead of cleverly introducing all its ideas one by one on the race track and relegating its paper-thin storyline to the manual (which is obviously made of paper and therefore ideally suitable), it stupidly spends ages introducing its paper-thin plot and relegates to the manual all the important details, like what the hell all the things on the screen mean, and how to turn corners without smacking repeatedly into the wall.
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